


Pearl's Second Crush

by GayAquarius



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Blushing, College, F/F, No Smut, POV Third Person, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Pearl (Steven Universe), Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 16:45:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7941748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayAquarius/pseuds/GayAquarius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pearl is a nerdy, socially awkward, anxious, transgender college junior. She also likes girls, but ever since her heart was broken by her best friend Rose, she told herself she wouldn't ever love (or crush on) another girl again. However, when she meets charming GSA president Garnet who came from England to attend university in the United States, she finds herself unable to keep her promise to herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU'RE JUST HERE TO LEAVE A NEGATIVE COMMENT ABOUT TRANS PEOPLE OR TRANS HEADCANONS, LEAVE. In all seriousness, nobody's forcing you to read my story and if you leave an unnecessary rude comment about the trans aspect (and I'm not talking about legitimate criticism), I'll just delete it, so you'd be wasting your time. I realize that gems don't have a sense of gender like humans do in canon, but since this is a human AU, characters can be trans if someone chooses to write them that way. And in this particular story, Pearl is trans.
> 
> What inspired this was a post I saw the other day. The post talked about the fact that fanfic involving a trans woman character is almost always smut. While it wasn't saying smut was inherently awful, it can be discouraging to try to find fanfic with characters like you and only see story after story involving sex and nothing else, especially if it seems the person writing it is not doing so in good faith and only sees people like you as sex objects. Considering I like girls, I can relate to being fetishized (although maybe not in the same way), so I sympathized. The person said they wanted to see people more stories involving trans women that WEREN'T just about sex and nothing else, especially if those people aren't trans women themselves.
> 
> For the sake of full disclosure, while I wouldn't say I identify as cis (meaning identifying entirely with your birth sex), I'm not a trans woman. I do know and have been friends with trans women, but this doesn't make me an expert on trans issues on par with actual trans women. Because of this, while it was my intention to write a sympathetic, good portrayal of a trans character, it's ultimately not up to me to say I was successful in this regard.
> 
> With that said, I hope everyone reading this, including any potential trans woman readers (especially trans woman readers, in fact), enjoys this fic.
> 
> PS: Garnet and Pearl are the only listed characters with major appearances. Amethyst makes a cameo, and the rest are mentioned in stories Pearl tells.

Pearl told herself that  _ this  _ week, she’d attend the GSA meeting at her college. Never mind that she had told herself that for who knows how many weeks now, and her anxiety always got in the way. This week would be different. She swore to herself.

Before leaving her dorm, Pearl found herself looking in the mirror. It was hard not to notice the many traits that people would deride her for: her tallness, her flat chest, the list only went on. Although she liked keeping her strawberry blonde hair fairly short, she worried that it didn’t flatter her face and made her look more like a man. For a moment, she regretted her last haircut with all of her heart.

No matter how many times Pearl told herself that there were women, even women who weren’t transgender, who were 6 feet tall or had a flat chest or whatever other masculine trait she found herself obsessing over, it was hard to believe it for herself. It went further than the obvious things like height; traits that the average person wouldn’t notice set off Pearl’s intense scrutiny towards herself. Her nose was a good example of this. She couldn't get past the idea that it was too big, too long, and too "male". 

Before she left, she talked to herself while analyzing her reflection. Trying to look normal, trying to sound female. After a while, she realized it was useless. If Pearl hyper focused on her supposed flaws like she always did, she’d be here all night. It was the reason why, for weeks now, she kept chickening out of going to the GSA. Not this week.

It took a lot of courage and a bit of impulsiveness, but Pearl eventually forced herself to leave the comfort of her dorm. She went to the building the meetings were held, keeping her head held high despite the fact that it contradicted who she was inside. After some searching, she found the room they were held in, To her dismay, everyone was leaving. A short androgynous person with long locks of hair dyed purple stopped, noticing the sheer confusion on Pearl’s face.

“Are ya here for the GSA?” they asked in a nasally voice. Pearl felt choked up. All she could do was nod; she couldn’t force out any words. “Sorry. You must have gotten the times mixed up. It just ended.” With that, the purple haired person walked away.

Pearl couldn’t believe how stupid she was. She  _ swore  _ the meetings started at 6! How could she be so dense? Just as she found herself slipping into the self-destructive spiral she went on whenever she made a mistake, a British accent caught her attention and forced her out of the spiral.

“Are you okay?”

Pearl turned to the direction of the voice, and felt heat creep up on her cheeks as soon as she identified the source. Ever since her last love shattered her heart, Pearl had been too dejected to notice the beauty in women despite her love of them. In her more melodramatic moments, she had sworn off girls forever and told herself she’d stay single and abstinent for life. However, the one standing before her left her awestruck.

There were so many beautiful things about this girl that Pearl didn’t know where to begin. Her sepia skin was flawless, her red and blue dress was adorable and reflected her impeccable fashion tastes, she had an awesome afro… Pearl couldn’t even find the fact that she was wearing shades indoors weird. 

The most notable fact is that this girl was taller than Pearl. This was a rarity; Pearl easily could count on one hand how many times a girl was near her height, let alone taller. In fact, she could only think of one girl that had ever been taller than her… Rose, the very girl that left Pearl heartbroken. It pained Pearl to think of her, so she pushed that thought out of her mind.

The girl standing in front of Pearl also had a remarkable body, sporting curves that Pearl could only dream of. After noticing this fact, Pearl felt creepy. She made sure to look at her eyes and not any lower.

“I-I’m fine,” Pearl finally stammered in response, hoping her stares weren’t too obvious. “I just got the time wrong. Thought it started at 6. I can be kinda stupid like that.” Pearl felt like her cheeks were lit aflame. No doubt was the red in them obvious, making her freckles pop out. If the other girl noticed, she didn’t seem to look off put by it.

“No need to worry. We all make mistakes.” Her tone was even and reassuring. For just a moment, Pearl didn’t feel the need to trash herself for making a minor mistake. The moment came and went with haste that Pearl couldn’t help but feel disappointed by. “My name is Garnet. I’m the president of the GSA.”

Garnet held out a hand, offering a handshake. Pearl accepted it. She noticed the way Garnet’s hand nearly engulfed hers. Pearl was always self-conscious about the amount of space she took up, being too big, or too much, but around Garnet, she couldn’t help but feel small. It wasn’t the worst feeling.

“I’m P-P-Pearl,” Pearl replied. She wanted to kick herself for stuttering, but tried to keep her cool.

“It’s nice to meet you, Pearl. What are your pronouns?”

Upon hearing this question, Pearl’s heart began to race. At first, she believed this was Garnet’s polite way of implying that Pearl’s attempt at looking like a girl were failing, and that she needed to know what her “real” gender is. Shortly after, she realized that asking pronouns was customary in LGBT spaces. Once again, Pearl jumped the gun. It was a reflex of hers.

“Sh-she and her, please,” Pearl replied in a mere whisper.

“Those are my pronouns as well,” Garnet said, nonchalantly leaning towards the wall. Pearl continued to gawk at how naturally cool and collected she was. She couldn’t imagine being so suave herself. “Anyway, I was going to the cafeteria for dinner. Feel free to join me if you want.”

Pearl almost froze in place and didn’t respond at all, because the fact that Garnet made such an offer blew her away. Why would such a stunning, gorgeous girl want to eat dinner with a lame loser like her? That was Pearl’s mindset. She gave her arm a little pinch to establish that she wasn’t having yet another embarrassing dream of being swept off her feet by the girl of her dreams. When she remained awake, she felt a shred of hope.

“Of course!” Pearl spat out a tad too loudly, bolting after Garnet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl and Garnet go to the school cafeteria and eat dinner. They get to know each other a bit better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't entirely sure what to make Pearl and Garnet's major/minor, especially not Garnet. My girlfriend helped me a bit with it. Hopefully my choices were fitting.

Once Pearl and Garnet both got mediocre college food, they picked a table. While Pearl wished deep down that Garnet was sitting next to her rather than across from her, she couldn’t complain about the opportunity to look at her. After they got settled in, Garnet started the conversation.

“I’m a junior. What about you?”

“M-me too!” Pearl squeaked. She stuffed a bite of salad into her mouth to avoid saying anything else stupid. As Garnet ate, Pearl noticed that her portion size was tiny compared to Garnet’s.

“I see. That’s interesting. I’ve been here since my freshman year and I’ve never seen you around.”

“It’s a big school,” Pearl said with a shrug. There was also the fact that Pearl was often stuffed away in her dorm, especially when she fell on hard times. She much preferred being in familiar, comfortable surroundings nestled under her covers than out in the “real world”, which only served to give her anxiety.

“That’s true, but I’m sure a person like you would stand out to me,” Garnet said nonchalantly. 

Pearl couldn’t read Garnet’s relatively monotone voice. She couldn’t tell whether this was meant to be a compliment or an insult. While Pearl would have loved to forget her gender for a bit, she worried briefly whether  _ that  _ was what made her stand out. Regardless of intent, Pearl took it as a jab.

“I-I see,” Pearl eventually uttered. She was too scared to stand her ground or ask what Garnet meant by her statement.

“I apologize,” Garnet said. “I see now why you may have taken that comment in a negative fashion. I promise it was not meant with any ill intentions.” Pearl felt self-conscious that her pain was that obvious to Garnet, but appreciated the apology nonetheless. 

“Thanks for apologizing. It’s okay.” While she wanted to ask for an elaboration, she knew better than to test her limits. In an attempt to move on, she asked, “What’s your major? I’m a chemistry major and an art history minor.”

Garnet smirked at this. “That’s quite a combination of major and minor, isn’t it?” She chuckled softly, which made Pearl’s face light up in pink. 

It was true - while Pearl was inclined to like the sciences, there was also a part of her that gravitated towards the finer things in life. Most STEM majors would scoff at the mere notion of going anywhere  _ near  _ art, but Pearl’s interests were proudly varied. Truthfully, it was hard for her to pick one major and one minor; her parents had to discourage her from doing a double major and overloading herself. There was so much Pearl wanted to learn and not enough time to learn it.

“I guess it is,” Pearl said, rubbing the back of her head nervously. She combed her hair with her fingers, hoping Garnet would answer her question and take the focus off of her.

“Anyway, I’m a sociology major and a history minor,” Garnet said. “I’m hoping I can help out LGBT kids in bad situations someday, maybe even help them love themselves for who they are.”

Pearl was mentally cursing at the fact that not only was Garnet drop dead gorgeous, she seemed to be genuinely good as well. It was hard  _ not  _ to fall for a girl like that. She felt unworthy to be in Garnet’s presence. Once again, Pearl brought up a new topic to distract herself.

“So, are you from England?” Pearl asked. “Your accent is nice.”

“I am. I’m in the United States for university. It’s been an interesting experience, to say the least,” Garnet said. “I didn’t realize how many people liked British accents until I came here.”

Pearl wasn’t usually transfixed on British accents like certain Americans, but something about Garnet’s voice was magnetic. Hypnotic.

Unfortunately, the moment was ruined for Pearl for reasons nobody could control. A girl walked into the cafeteria, holding hands with the guy she was with. She had the same bubblegum pink dyed hair as Rose. The stranger was shorter, thinner, and overall more petite, but the association was there and it was enough to throw Pearl off her tracks. She felt her jaw tighten.

“Are you all right?” Garnet asked.

“I’m sorry. I just saw someone who reminded me of someone from my past,” Pearl whispered.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Garnet asked. “I won’t pressure you, but I can listen if you want.”

Pearl wasn’t sure what to make of this offer. Truthfully, she hadn’t talked about the ordeal with Rose to anyone. Talking about what was essentially Pearl’s love life to her parents sounded painful, especially since they took the approach of ignoring that their daughter was neither cisgender nor heterosexual. Being as awkward as she was, Pearl lacked a real support system outside of Rose. While there was on campus therapy, Pearl didn’t trust them not to judge her for the fact that she was harping on another girl.

Garnet was the president of the GSA, something that was very much  _ not  _ straight. She also seemed relaxed and caring. If there was a time to talk about the mess in Pearl’s past, now was that time. 

“So, there’s this girl I knew… Rose. We knew each other for most of our lives. I would have done  _ anything  _ for her…” Upon realizing that some gushing not relevant to the story slipped out, she cleared her throat and kept talking. “And she was an incredible friend. She was the first person who I came out as trans to and she accepted me. I’m sure she’s part of the reason I got the courage to be out as a trans girl. We had one of those friendships that resembled a relationship in everything but name. Whenever I talked about actually dating, she’d giggle and brush me off. Rose had serious commitment issues. I watched as she’d end up having flings with guys. To be honest, it didn’t really bother me that much. I mean, sure, I was jealous, but I could tell none of them were that important to her… until she found the one she stuck with.”

“I see. I think-”

As much as she didn’t want to, Pearl cut off Garnet. “I’m not finished.” Pearl closed her eyes. She blew air out of her nose and gathered strength she didn’t know existed. “His name was Greg. To this day, I don’t know what was so special about him. Rose swore up and down that it wouldn’t affect our friendship, minus the fact that we wouldn’t flirt anymore. At first, that was true. Then, she got pregnant.”

“It’s not your fault that she stopped talking to you because she said a baby,” Garnet said.

“I appreciate the thought… but I’m still not done,” Pearl said, a familiar lump forming in her throat. “Something went wrong with the pregnancy. I’m not entirely sure of the specifics, but she died during childbirth. Against all odds, the baby survived, but…” 

There was no good way to end that sentence. The baby, Steven, was innocent in all of this. He was also all Greg had left of his beloved. Pearl knew that wishing he didn’t exist so that Rose would still be around was a selfish, terrible thing to do. She knew that, and yet, she couldn’t help feeling that way.

“I sense you harbor some resentment towards the baby,” Garnet pointed out nonchalantly, not sounding judgmental. Despite the neutral tone, Pearl’s defenses rose.

“N-no! Of course I don’t! I-” Garnet raised a giant hand in order to placate Pearl, who was about to go on a tangent.

“It’s okay, Pearl. I don’t think any lower of you. I’m very sorry you had that experience.” Garnet removed her shades, which was disarming to Pearl. “I haven’t had very good luck in my love life either, for what it’s worth. Nothing like that, though.”

“How is that possible?” Pearl asked. It was the first thing to come to mind, and her palms sweat after she said it. She finished her last bite of salad, and was tempted to scramble away to throw away her trash after getting ahead of herself like that. It was true, though; she had no idea how the charming Garnet could have been anything  _ but  _ successful in her love life.

“I appreciate the thought, Pearl, but I’m really not as big of a hit with the ladies as you seem to think I am.” Garnet’s half grin and general situation made Pearl want to hide. She covered up the bottom half of her face with her hands, revealing only her blue eyes. “To answer your question, a lot of girls only saw what I was on the surface. It was skin deep, sometimes literally. Whether it was because they fetishized me or because they had an idealized image of me, my relationships never lasted long. Being with me is an experience, and they only seemed interested in the surface level.”

The thoughts Pearl got after what Garnet said were not thoughts to be proud of. She thought about how great dating Garnet would be, and how she wouldn’t run at the first sign of a nuanced, complex personality. Despite this, there was only much Pearl knew about her even after this conversation, so it was a sentiment that would have rung hollow.

“I understand, and I’m sorry too. But I am a little jealous girls pay attention to you at all.” Pearl mentally kicked herself for her petty jealousy. “I’m sorry. I know how stupid that sounds.”

“They do, but men do as well, which I am less happy about.” Garnet put on her shades again. Pearl didn’t understand why she wore them indoors, but tried not to judge.

Pearl had to agree about attention from men being off putting. One of her least favorite experiences was when a man old enough to be her father described her as “hot” and awkwardly tried hitting on her. On one hand, he was likely straight and probably saw Pearl as a girl in doing so, but the memory made her skin crawl.

“So you’re a lesbian?” Pearl asked. Truthfully, she had gotten that vibe from the moment she met Garnet.

“I am, and proud,” Garnet responded, voice still lacking much emotion. “Would it be too personal to ask what your sexuality is?”

“It’s definitely not too personal!” Pearl insisted. “It’s just that… I just…” Her voice sputtered out.

“You just what?” Garnet asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’d identify as lesbian as well, since I’m into girls and only girls, but it doesn’t feel like my word to use, you know? It just feels like an insult to  _ real lesbians. _ I’d hate to make anyone mad or upset-”

“Pearl. As a ‘real lesbian’,” Garnet started, using air quotes for the last two words. “I am not bothered by you using the word lesbian in the slightest. If that’s the word that resonates with your experience, then feel free to use it. We’re both girls here.”

“Th-thank you,” Pearl stammered.

“Not a problem.” Garnet grinned. “Anyway, I’m done with my dinner. Thanks for attending with me.”

Pearl was grateful as well, but also sad this was over. Part of her wished she had stalled more to buy more time with Garnet. 

“You’re welcome,” she replied, with much less complexity than her train of thoughts.

“Shall I walk you to your dorm?” Garnet offered.

Pearl wanted to respond that she wasn’t ready. She wanted to say that perhaps they should do something else, and that the night was still young. Her heart raced. As much as she wanted to continue to be around Garnet, she didn’t want to be weird and overstep her boundaries. She was just grateful that Garnet was willing to walk her back to her dorm.

“Sure. I’d like that.”

After telling Garnet what dorm she stayed at and disposing of their trash, the duo began to walk back. The sky had become dark, and the air was starting to bite. Pearl had wished she had worn more layers.

“It’s a beautiful night out,” Garnet remarked. 

“Definitely,” Pearl responded, looking at the stars. Space fascinated her. Astronomy was another topic she had considered making her major or minor. She settled for taking an astronomy class as an elective to get her fill of outer space. Nonetheless, Pearl sometimes still wished she could visit it, not just learn about it.

As Pearl walked through the campus with Garnet, she got the distinct, unnerving feeling that she was being watched. It made the hair on the back of her neck rise in fear. When she shuddered, she wondered if it was due to the cold.

Eventually, she learned that her fears were not unfounded. In the distance, there was a guy looking at her: an unfamiliar, skinny college student wearing a hoodie, who somehow was even paler than Pearl. While she was also with Garnet, his eyes were locked on Pearl. She saw a familiar feeling of contempt, looking into his hollow slate gray eyes. Pearl’s leg muscles locked up and she couldn’t walk if she tried. It took Garnet a few steps to notice her walking partner was no longer by her side.

“Pearl?” 

Garnet turned around. Upon seeing the fear in her eyes, she looked in the direction Pearl was looking in. She saw the guy and noticed the way he looked at Pearl. It was in the way a predator would size up their prey before pouncing. She removed her shades, giving the guy a hard stare.

“Leave us alone,” Garnet growled. Pearl was unsure of how the pallid stranger would handle this. Surprisingly, he slunk away, wordless. Garnet was taller and overall larger than we was, and she knew how to look intimidating. However, Pearl knew that if it were the wrong guy, he wouldn’t be as willing to back down.

“Th-thank you, Garnet,” Pearl uttered, the words halfway trapped in her throat. Garnet took a few steps back, her previously hard eyes softening.

“Not a problem. Are you okay?”

“I’m… fine.” This wasn’t entirely true, and Pearl felt like a coward. However, the situation went as well as it could have. “At least he didn’t attack me.”

“I’m glad for that as well,” Garnet said. 

“Thanks again for standing up for me. I’m sorry I acted like a coward,” Pearl whispered, still frozen in place. 

“It’s not a problem,” Garnet replied. “You should be free to be yourself, and you should be safe in doing so. I apologize for the weak minded individuals who see you as being bad. That’s their problem, not yours.” There was a brief pause. “Are you ready to keep walking?”

“I suppose,” Pearl answered.

This situation reminded Pearl of Rose. Rose also was willing to stand up for Pearl when others gave her shit. This went back as far as elementary school; Pearl felt safe in her presence, and Rose knew that Pearl would do the same for her. There was a familiar stinging sensation in her eyes, and Pearl blinked rapidly, not wanting to cry in front of Garnet. 

Too soon, the two arrived back at Pearl’s dorm.

“Thanks for inviting me to dinner,” Pearl said. As much as she wanted to see it as a date, she knew it wasn’t. It was just her wishful thinking acting up.

“You’re welcome. Thank you for accompanying me. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to talk to someone so openly.” With no warning, Garnet stuck a piece of paper in Pearl’s hand. “Feel free to keep in touch. Goodnight.” 

“Good… night?” Pearl said this in a confused tone to Garnet’s receding figure. 

She looked at the paper, and saw that in very distinctive print, Garnet had written down her number. Although she didn’t have the fancy, looping handwriting Pearl did, it was still neatly done. Pearl had no idea where she pulled the slip of paper from or when she wrote it, if perhaps Garnet had her number tucked away in waiting for when she wanted to give it to a girl. The details didn’t matter. As far as Pearl was concerned, Garnet was too suave for her own good.

In that moment, Pearl’s entire face flushed a previously undiscovered shade of red. She didn’t want to overanalyze what just happened, but she had a feeling this was the start of something new and great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this ended somewhat on a vague note. Depending on the level of interest, I might consider writing a sequel. I just wanted to see what the general reaction was first.


End file.
